Demons, are you tired of dragging your lost souls all the way back to hell every time you need a professional portrait taken? Are you sick of all the bright colors and non-death-oriented backdrops at portrait studios up here on earth’s surface? Are you tired of those “hellish” prices asked by the so-called boutique demon studios?
If so, then save yourself some time and money and steer your demonic steed to Frank Frazetta‘s Post-Apocalyptic Sears Portrait Studio. While other retail stores are busy shunning Satan’s warriors and wishing for the bygone days of the pre-apocalypse, Sears, for one, welcomes our new demonic overlords.
Outdated portrait studios are slow to adapt to the changing marketplace with such non-demonic backdrops as “fall foliage,” “beach sunset” and “mansion library.” At Frank Frazetta’s post-apocalyptic Sears, the master of dark portraiture offers such in-demand backgrounds as:
- Ominous Volcano
- Circling Buzzards
- Mountain of Skulls
- Blood Splatter
- Jesus’ Gravestone
- Teddy Bear Picnic
Forget to bring your battleaxe with you? No problem! Frank also has a wide assortment of deadly props to help give you that ultra evil vibe you’re looking for. Skip the wax ice cream sundaes and angel wings. At Sears, choose from such on-site props as:
- Skull Helmet
- Flaming sword
- Giant lizard with saddle
- Three-headed dog
- Lunging tigers
- Bloody carcasses
Think all those custom props are going to cost you? Not to worry – unlike the Dark Lord, Frank Frazetta won’t ask you to sign over your soul just so you can get a few decent wallet-sized photos. For a limited time (now through the Devil’s coronation ceremony), we are offering a half-off price for all new demon customers. For your convenience, we gladly accept payment in the forms of cash, credit card and decapitated human heads.
For added benefit, Frank’s photo assistants will personally color-correct all photos for maximum darkness and maliciousness (free of charge). Worried about red-eye? Don’t be – our color experts will give your eyes a deep, evil red glow to ensure you look your bloodcurdlingly best!
So what are you waiting for? When it comes to demonic portraiture, Frank Frazetta has the experience and talent necessary to deliver photos that ooze with terror. A new portrait from Frank Frazetta’s post-apocalyptic Sears works great as:
- The perfect Mother’s Day gift
- A framed decoration for your office desk
- The picture for your upcoming Holiday greeting card
- A professional profile pic for your online dating account
Don’t wait another minute. Give yourself the gift that keeps on giving and call now to make an appointment with the greatest demon-friendly photographer in the post-apocalyptic world – Frank Frazetta!
If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may like include: