Dinner Date at the 7-Eleven

Sacre Bleu! Do my eyes deceive me? Can it be that Garcon Pierre’s two favorite patrons have graced him with their presence this fine evening? Yes, it is true! Monsieur Jethro, Mademoiselle Raylene, welcome once more to ze 7-Eleven!

A table for two, no? Shall I set up ze card table by ze lavatory as per your usual request? Ah, yes of course – how foolish of me! I should have realized by Monsieur Jethro’s decision to wear a shirt that this was a special occasion. Happy Anniversary, mon amis. I shall retrieve a flattened cardboard box so that you may place it on ze sidewalk outside and dine al fresco.

Your table awaits.

It shall only take a moment. While you wait, please feel free to visit our drink bar and enjoy a pre-dinner Big Gulp or Monster Energy drink.

Or, if you are ready, of course, you may skip ze soda fountain and begin making your dinner selections. The special of ze day is ze Nacho Platter – a fine meal choice that starts with a generous portion of white corn tortilla chips, slathers on an abundance of yellow cheese product, and ends with a delicate sprinkling of Slim Jim beef jerky bits.

The nachos pair nicely to a 20-ounce can of Colt 45. Or, for ze lady, a Boone’s Strawberry Hill. And for only 50 cents more, you can make it a combo and pick your choice of Nestle brand candy bar for dessert.

Of course, we also have our classic Hot Dog Combo, which includes one Big ‘N Beefy hot dog, your choice of Doritos Big Grab corn chips and a 20-ounce soft drink from our fountain.

Two Hot Dog Combos? Very good, Monsieur. Please feel free to visit ze hot dog tank near ze front of ze store at any time to make your selection. I promise you, these hot dogs were driven in fresh just last week and have been spinning on the heater for no more than 48 hours. As such, I guarantee the freshness to be to your satisfaction.

And how, may I ask, does the gentleman choose to pay today? I am sorry to ask before ringing you up, it is just that my manager has asked me to stop accepting personal checks from you, as ze last several have not cleared with ze bank.

Ah, tre bien! A government EBT card, very good!

Alright, mon amis, I shall leave you here outside ze sliding glass door so that Monsieur may finish enjoying his chewing tobacco and Mademoiselle may finish her Virginia Slim.

I shall grab a cardboard box from ze stockroom, and will flatten it and have it waiting for you at the cash register upon checkout. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do to assist you today, and please enjoy your meal.

——

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3 Responses to Dinner Date at the 7-Eleven

  1. Pingback: ESPN’s Pre-Date Report « pleated jeans

  2. Lola says:

    hey, don’t knock 7-11, it’s much more classy than the off-brand places we’ve got in the midwest; would you really want to eat a hot dog from a place called Kum & Go?

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