For most, talking, eating and stamp licking is as easy as opening the mouth and letting that tongue do what it does best. However, for those who don’t have a tongue, even the easiest daily tasks can prove difficult.
- Having mouth cancer
- Being convicted of treason
- Licking the cake batter with the beaters still on
- Getting hungry, eating it
- Being a jellyfish
Regardless of how you lost your tongue, it in no way means you can’t live a normal, healthy life. Keep reading to learn some tips for the tongue-less on living life to its fullest:
Technically, talking is still possible without your tongue. And if you don’t mind sounding really, really stupid or getting mistaken for a deaf person, then I suppose this is still an option for you. For everyone else that is rightfully embarrassed by such an idea, you’ll probably want to become the strong, silent type at your next dinner party.
However, a good alternative to painful one-on-one conversations awaits the tongue-less online. Armed with your trusty keyboard, you’ll have endless opportunities to chat with friends or tell some anonymous blogger how “gay” he is.
Sadly, without your tongue’s taste buds, eating food is an exceptionally boring experience. To improve your enjoyment during dinnertime, try impressing your friends by showing them how many peas, marshmallows or spoonfuls of pudding you can fit into that cavernous, gaping hole behind your teeth. With all the laughter and clapping coming from your fellow dinner patrons, you’ll forget all about the fact that everything you just ate tasted like Styrofoam.
If you’re lucky, then that significant physical impairment of yours means you’ll never have to worry about kissing another man or woman again. However, if you do happen to find someone kind, caring, or drunk enough to kiss you, then do yourself a favor and keep that mouth closed. While not as fun or sloppy as the classic French kiss, going at it Kindergarten style can still be plenty fun.
Individuals who have previously won bird-calling competitions often have the most difficulty transitioning into a life without a tongue. While your days of blue ribbons and blurbs in the local interest section of the newspaper are likely over, the truth is that not being able to whistle doesn’t really reduce your quality of life all that much. If you’re a hunter, then there are plenty of products out there that can help you recreate bird calls. And for those times when you just plain feel like whistlin’ Dixie or telling a random girl on the street that you find her attractive, a good old fashion slide whistle can be just as effective.
If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may like include:
- Teenage Moon Seeks To Distance Self From Mother Earth
- How To Get A Dame To Go Out With You – The Bogart Method
- My Surprise Birthday Party