My liege, one of our LEGO Brave Knights in the field has just returned with word that a plot to destroy LEGO castle is currently underway. While details are still sketchy, it would appear our old nemesis – Jimmy’s brother – is up to his old tricks again.
Unfortunately, we don’t have much time. According to the Knight, Jimmy’s brother intends to attack just after dinner, when the potential for losing dessert privileges is at its lowest. I wish we could have given you more notice. However, the Brave Knight had considerable difficulty journeying back to the castle, given that his feet kept getting stuck in the raised divots of our cobblestone streets.
Still, the fact that the Brave Knight was licked up off the floor by the dog and coughed back up near the brother’s bedroom should be considered good enough luck in and of itself.
Yes, my liege, if we get through this I will be sure to thank the Brave Knight for his noble duties. Normally I would say that might be difficult, given the fact that the gentleman looks exactly like the other 31 Brave Knights protecting the castle. However, the large tooth-shaped indention left in the poor man’s painted armor should make him easy enough to pick out from the crowd of yellow faces.
I have consulted with the Head Jouster, and he has informed me that Jimmy’s brother successfully acquired a weapon of mass destruction for his birthday last week. That’s right, a high-powered remote control car that will no doubt rip open our exterior defenses in a matter of seconds.
Yes, my liege, I’m afraid the RC car has both forward and reverse capabilities.
Now, the Head Jouster has consulted with the Civic War General from across the bedroom, and he believes that once the RC car has breached our castle walls, Jimmy’s brother will employ something called the “Godzilla Attack.”
Apparently, this tactic all but destroyed the LEGO Battlefield a few months ago, and involves Jimmy’s brother using his giant hands and feet to rip and kick apart massive chunks of interlocking blocks – all the while screaming in a rough, intimidating voice, “I’m Godzilla! I’m Godzilla! RAWR! RAWR!”
Sadly, much of the Battlefield remains unassembled and swept into a giant rubber tub to this day. I fear such a fate may soon befall our newly erected castle.
While we had hope that Jimmy’s mother might be able to intervene and diffuse the attack before it could occur, it appears her favorite television program is on tonight. Clearly, this gives Jimmy’s brother a window of 30 unsupervised minutes in which to attack.
The Civil War General assures us that our best plan of defense involves taking that RC car out of commission. We’ve already dispatched the LEGO pirate ship on a covert mission to raid the RC car and plunder any and all double-A batteries they can get their hands on. Hopefully, this will buy us enough time before Jimmy’s mother can return to her rounds as adult guardian.
If not, then may our tiny plastic swords fly true against the giant forces against us. I have also sent a request for aid from the LEGO Star Wars Rebel Alliance. However, I have yet to receive word from LEGO Chewie and LEGO Han Solo.
My liege, I suggest you take this time pray to our Great Creator. I will assemble our forces, and may Jimmy have mercy on our souls.
If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may like include:
- Fool-Proof Ways To Protect Your Stuff From Getting Stolen
- My Rules For The Treehouse
- How To Get Off A Deserted Island