Jason, your father and I are going out tonight. Now, since your normal babysitter, Christine, had to cancel on us last minute, I’ve decided to go ahead and just put your little sister in charge.
I don’t care if she is “just four years old.” Katie, unlike you, has proven herself to be remarkably mature and well mannered for her age. Perhaps if you hadn’t gotten into daddy’s liquor cabinet and ordered all those pizzas the last time we left you alone, we could trust you to be in charge. However, as it stands now, it seems you’re still not fit to be left alone unsupervised.
So I want you to be a good boy for mommy and be respectful and obedient to Katie. You obey her just as you obey your own mother, you got me?
Oh relax, this is not THAT embarrassing. Trust me, you and your sister are going to have fun tonight. Now, for dinner, Katie has decided to cook up a big plate of plastic macaroni and cheese for you. She’s in her play kitchen right now putting it together. That’s not what I would choose to serve tonight, but then again I’m not in charge tonight – she is. So I want you to eat what she gives you – and don’t complain about it!
Also, I’m sorry that I can’t help you with your math homework tonight, but I’m sure Katie can give you some pointers. I know she’s not in school yet, but we all know she’s pretty smart. I showed her your homework problems, and she seemed pretty certain that the square root of 174 was “pony.” I’m inclined to think that the answer might be a number, but again, that’s not my concern tonight.
Now, I’ve told her that you’re not to do anything else until you’ve finished your homework – so don’t even try to weasel out of it. And, as with everything else, Katie is in charge of playtime. So if she wants you to dress up like a princess and have a tea party, that’s what you’re going to do. It may not be Call of Duty, but I’m sure she’s got some good reason for doing it. Maybe it builds character, I don’t know.
Of course, honey, just because your sister is in charge, that doesn’t mean that she can just do whatever she wants. I’m trusting her to keep an eye on you, but that doesn’t mean she has carte blanche. So, I don’t want you to feel like you shouldn’t report back to me if she isn’t doing an adequate job – if she spends all night talking to Bert and Ernie on the Sesame Street phone instead of watching you, then I want to know.
Okay Jason, I think that about covers it. Your father and I are going to dinner and then to a play, so we should be home in a few hours. Of course, you’ll be asleep long before we get back – Katie’s night-night time is 9 o’clock, and so is yours. Again, I can’t have you up and about unsupervised.
However, if you have time and if you’re extra good, I told Katie that you two could rent a movie. I left the car keys and $10 on the kitchen counter. I know you just got your driver’s permit, but let your sister drive – because she’s in charge.
If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may like include:
- How To Embarrass Your Child From Long-Distance
- My Father, The Zombie
- Dad, When Can We Leave The Bomb Shelter?