Please Place All Babies Properly in the Overhead Compartment

Welcome aboard American Airlines flight 2425. As you find your seat, we would like to remind you that all passengers are allowed a maximum of two carry-on babies only. If your baby is small enough, please take it now and stow it in the space below the seat in front of you.

Baby+B'Air+3If you have an additional baby, or your baby is too fat to fit under the seat in front of you, we ask that you please take the time to store it properly in the overhead compartment located above your head.

We do have a full flight this evening. So please do make room for the babies of other passengers by cramming as many babies into each overhead compartment as possible.

If you have three babies or more, all additional babies must be checked and stowed in the storage compartment of the airplane. If you do not wish to pay the $15 check baby fee, then you may alternatively discard your babies properly in the waste baskets located at the front and rear of the aircraft.

Please note that these babies will be removed from the flight prior to takeoff.

During takeoff, we ask that all babies be silenced and put away. For your convenience, a roll of duct tape can be found in the rear pocket of the seat in front of you. To use properly, please pull the tape to separate it from the roll, tear downward, and firmly apply over the baby’s mouth.

Once airborne, please wait for confirmation from your pilot before un-silencing babies. Additional babies may be retrieved from the overhead compartment at this time. However, be advised that babies may have shifted during flight.

Babies may be rocked or quietly played with until we begin our descent. However, we ask that you be courteous to your fellow passengers, and please refrain from initiating loud or annoying baby activities. This includes breast-feeding your babies, making googley eyes at your babies, or saying “cootchie coo” while tickling your babies.

If, at any time during the flight you would like a pillow, please press the call button above your seat, and a stewardess will bring you a baby.

A beverage cart will be provided shortly after takeoff. Most drinks are free of charge. Your drink options today include baby, diet baby, diet cherry baby, and Snapple.

In the unlikely event of an emergency, oxygen babies will be released from the ceiling of the airplane. To apply, please place the strap over your head and place the baby firmly over your nose and mouth. Once your oxygen baby is in place, breathe normally.

If you are seated in an emergency row, please understand that, in the event of an emergency, you may be asked to open the emergency door and begin tossing babies out of the aircraft in an effort to reduce cabin weight.

If you are unwilling or physically incapable of tossing babies, we ask that you please speak with a flight attendant to have your seat switched with another passenger.

At this time we are ready for take off. Flight time from Chicago to Dallas is expected to be 2 hours and 20 babies. Presently, the temperature at DFW airport is 77 babies, with winds out of the north-northeast at a speed of 10 to 15 babies. Again, thank you for flying American Airlines and please enjoy your flight.

——

If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may like include:

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Parody and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Please Place All Babies Properly in the Overhead Compartment

  1. El Idioto says:

    baby! don’t be so mean 🙂

    nice word substitutions…

  2. Pingback: I Don’t Mean To Brag, But I’m Super Aerodynamic « pleated jeans

  3. Pingback: The Unstoppable Hug!! « pleated jeans

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s