Monthly Archives: August 2009

Honey, You Forgot to Close the Time Portal Again

Well gosh darn it honey, you’ve done it again – you forgot to close the time portal. I walked into the backyard to find the thing just swirling away in a vortex of blacks and blues. How long has it … Continue reading

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What Men Look for in a Woman

Whether you’re an awkward teen girl looking for your real-world Edward Cullen equivalent, or an aging, withered old divorcee just looking to settle, single women all want the same thing: a man (well, almost all women). So what is it … Continue reading

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Where Should We Put This Elephant?

Okay, so we stole the elephant, now what? We can’t just leave it here in my garage for all eternity. My big shot lawyer of a dad is going to be home in an hour! And he is going to … Continue reading

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FAQs For The LaserDome Laser Show

Have you ever been to a planetarium? Unless you’re a super dork, probably not. Because who wants to go into some giant domed room and look up at a bunch of “stars.” For one, that’s boring. For two, you can … Continue reading

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How To Survive Being Eaten By A Whale

Oh, those pesky whales. It seems us land mammals can’t swim more than three feet in the ocean without encountering one of these giant, gentle beasts. With such an overpopulation of whales these days, it’s no wonder marine biologists frequently … Continue reading

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I Lost My Police Horse

Excuse me, good sir, my name is Officer Rogers. Is this the music festival’s lost and found? It is? Oh good. Then let me ask you this: has anyone, by chance, turned in any horses in the past couple of … Continue reading

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The Next Great Cosmetic Procedure is Here: Shrunken Heads!

Has anyone ever told you that your giant head makes you look like a balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade? Are you tired of looking clumsy every time you hit that big cranium of yours on the top of … Continue reading

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