Having a lucky number is crucial to happy living. I mean, without a lucky number, how can you ever expect to win the lottery? Or choose a winning horse at the track? Or know how many times you have to spin in a circle to keep the demons away before you can leave the house each day?
Most life experts will agree that your lucky number should act as the primary guiding principle in your daily life. And while most of us can answer with certainty what our lucky number is (mine is 1,412), some of us are walking through life aimlessly choosing random numbers on the roulette wheel and chewing each bite of food a random number of times.*
There is a name for these types of people: losers. People without a lucky number can pretty much expect to never win anything. And for those of you who have a lucky number, but haven’t won the lottery yet, well I’ve got news for you: you’ve chosen the wrong number. So how can you be a winner in life and pinpoint the lucky number that was pre-chosen for you by the gods themselves at the dawn of human existence? Here are some ways to find out:
Look at your date of birth: For many people, their date of birth is their lucky number. For example, if your birthday happens to be April 2, 1982 (4-2-82), then your lucky number might be 4, 2 or 42. However, if you find that this is not the case, then the most likely reason is that your parents have been lying to you about the actual date of your birth for all these years. Why would they do this? Maybe they resent you for ruining their free-wheeling, non-baby lifestyle – who knows? Whatever the case, they didn’t want you to be able to figure out your lucky number. Thanks to them, you’ll have to do a little extra work.
Look at the clock: Do you find that you frequently look at the clock at the same time each day? Seeing the same time everyday – particularly times of repeated numbers (2:22, 4:44, 11:11) – is a good sign that your lucky number is calling out to you. Oftentimes, you will start to notice this number popping up other places as well, such as paychecks, calculators or numbered lists of things.
Win the lottery: I know, I know. The main reason you want to know your lucky number is so you CAN win the lottery, but bear with me here. Even people who don’t know their lucky number win the lottery on occasion. How is this possible? Because they ACCIDENTALLY put their lucky number in the final slot of the lotto ticket. So if you happen to win the lottery, then you can bet dollars to donuts that that final number is your lucky number!
Ask the gods (yes gods, not God – sorry Christians): Since the gods are the ones who bestowed your lucky number upon you, simply asking them can be a straightforward solution to your problem. Of course, this means you will have to summit Mt. Olympus and trick the gatekeeper (the goddess, Seasons) into thinking you are a god. So if you are not an experienced mountain climber, or can’t fake a convincing British accent, then this may not be the choice for you.
Ask me: If all other methods prove ineffective, or you simply want to validate your suspected lucky number, then you can just ask me. For a nominal fee ($1,412) I will use my psychic powers to transcend my soul to Zeus’ throne and ask our ruling god of creation what your lucky number is on your behalf.
*That’s right, I chew my food 1,412 times. It may take forever, but guess what? I’ve never had stomach cancer (not even once!).
If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may like include: