At one point or another, we’ve all found ourselves paddling a canoe or playing beach volleyball and thinking to ourselves, “boy, this sure would be a lot more fun if I was naked.”
And yet, very few of us ever have the courage to fulfill our perfectly normal urge to participate in outdoor leisure sports while in the nude. Perhaps you are afraid that people will judge your naked body. Or perhaps you are afraid that being naked might somehow diminish your ability to swing a croquet mallet.
Whatever the reason, you’re still walking around fully clothed, and hating life. Well no more. If you are nervous about visiting your first nudist colony or nudist camp, trust me, I can identify. I don’t know how many days I stood outside the gates of the Glen Oaks Nudist Colony, just hiding in the bushes with my binoculars and staring at the unencumbered as they played naked tennis.
I was scared, but all I can say is just go for it. And to help you have a good nudist experience, here are some tips on how to relax and just enjoy the naturist lifestyle:
Forget about body image. Nudists are NOT judgmental when it comes to appearance. As such, you should not be worried about age, weight or a “mole-y back.” Not even naturist kids will laugh and point. However, if you are self-conscious, there are simple ways to help lighten up. For example, if you are obese, try drawing a smiley face on your belly. Use your hands to make the bellybutton “mouth” open and close as you speak in a funny, high-pitched voice. Pretty soon everyone will be laughing and want to meet the comedian with the super hilarious stomach puppet.
Start out slow. Many nudist colonies don’t require you to be naked all the time. Clothing optional nudist camps are a great way to get accustomed to the naturist lifestyle without being completely naked at first. Specific nudist activities are also designed to help beginner nudists become more comfortable. These include skinny dipping, dark room activities (movies) and the tickle fight tournament.
Understand proper naturist etiquette. Knowing how to act at a nudist colony can go a long way in helping you relax. For example, it is never suggested that you stare at a nudist. This is because, like an ape, nudists consider staring a sign of aggression. So unless you want a nudist to rush you, hooting and hollering as they swat at you with their long, naked arms, I’d advise against staring.
Also, taking photos can be an issue of contention. Many people don’t want their picture taken while they are naked. As such, be smart and snap a photo of them while they aren’t looking.
Know how to handle an erection: Many first-time nudists are worried about getting an erection. If you do happen to get an erection, there is a right and wrong way to handle it. The wrong way would be to try and hide the erection by sticking it between your legs or holding it in your hands. This signals that you are embarrassed (or just plain weird). Rather, a good way to diffuse any potential awkwardness is to just call out the fact that you have an erection. After all, people can’t make fun of you if they think you are proud of it. So point to it proudly and yell out, “Hey, I’ve got an erection! Everyone look! I have an erection!!” Then, turn to show everyone in the room while saying, “Isn’t he a beaut?” What else can the other nudists do, but agree?
If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may like include:
- FAQs of First-Time Visitors to the Glen Oaks Nudist Colony Community Picnic
- The Girls Want To Go Skinny Dipping
- Robot Sex Slaves, And Other Thoughts About Robots