Alright guys, we’ve all been watching my dad intently for the past few weeks. And unless you’ve got a crush on him (Gerald), then that means you’ve been eagerly waiting for him to finish the killer treehouse in my backyard.
When he informed my mother, spur of the moment, that he was going to have the most awesome treehouse in Wichita Falls built for me by my birthday, I’m sure many of you scoffed. Three weeks? That’s not enough time to outdo the ridiculous awesome treehouse we’ve all been ogling on Sycamore Street for the past 3 years.
Well, he’s been hammering and nailing something awful, and well, as you can see this beast of a treehouse is done right on time.
Now guys, we’re gonna make a lot of memories in this treehouse. I’m talking campouts, card games, and yes, probably the occasional fight or two. I mean, we’re third graders, there’s just no way around the occasional tussle. But that’s okay, because in the end it will make us cherish our friendships all the more – you know, you take the good, you take the bad.
Anyway, before we get all raucous up in this super fantastic treehouse, I’m gonna have to lay down a few ground rules. I know, I know, rules are no fun, but if we get these suckers out of the way and abide by them, I think we’ll all have a lot more fun later. Okay, here goes:
Rule 1: No girls. That’s a given. This treehouse is currently a cootie-free zone and we want to keep it that way.
Rule 2: No Cubans. I know, some of you may disagree, but seriously, JFK was right on this one. I promise.
Rule 3: Last person up pulls up the rope ladder. We don’t want any unwanted visitors sneaking in here (see Rule 1 and 2).
Rule 4: If not escorted by me personally, you must say the secret password in order to gain entry to the treehouse.
Rule 5: The secret password is “this baked salmon needs more tarragon.”
Rule 6: Shoes off! I know, white carpeting may not have been the most practical choice for a treehouse, but it’s what I wanted, so deal with it.
Rule 7: Inside the treehouse, we use 6-inch voices. NO EXCEPTIONS! We’re gonna be making some super secret plans up there and I don’t want any eavesdroppers catching wind of them.
Rule 8: The zipline is for EMERGENCIES ONLY! Seriously guys, it’s not a toy.
Rule 9: All treehouse visitors must spritz one of the ferns with the water bottle before leaving the treehouse. Those little guys really add some zazz to the ambiance, so let’s treat them like they’re our own, okay?
Rule 10: The “Jake Rules” flag will be ceremonially folded and placed in the cupboard for safe storage each night.
Rule 11: Seriously, NO CUBANS!!
Okay then. See that wasn’t so bad. Do you remember them all? YOU BETTER – THERE’S GONNA BE A QUIZ LATER!!
Nah, just kidding. I’ll just post them up by the door of the treehouse so we can all review them at our leisure.
ALRIGHT! What are we waiting? Let’s get up in that treehouse!! Whoa, wait guys – there’s no need to run. Single file, please! SINGLE FILE!!!
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