On This Day In History – April 15th

1710: William Cullen, a doctor and chemist, is born. For some reason, his boring life and lack of worldly accomplishments will later be memorialized as a completely worthless entry in Wikipedia.

1865: Abraham Lincoln dies the morning after his infamous night at Ford’s Theatre. Upon examining Lincoln’s skull, Surgeon General Joseph Barnes finds the bullet of John Wilkes Booth lodged 6 inches inside the president’s brain. It is believed that Lincoln’s last words, “damn it Barnes, get your finger out of there,” were in direct response to this probe.

1889: Famed Roman Catholic missionary, Father Damien, dies. After years of working with leprosy colonies in Hawaii, no one was particularly surprised by the Father’s eventual cause of death – being crushed underneath a 30-ton water turbine that was improperly harnessed to a commerce train headed for Lake Halali.

1912: The Titanic passenger liner collides with an iceberg in the North Atlantic. Tragically, the iceberg sinks in a matter of hours.

1924: Rand McNally publishes its first road atlas. While early sales are abysmal, appeal for the maps improve dramatically a couple years later, when Rand McNally abandons their original “one-road-per-atlas” business strategy.

2009: While doing research for a pointless blog post, a future kung fu superstar realizes that today is the United States deadline for filing individual tax returns. Panicked, the young man rips into the unopened TurboTax software box that has been sitting on his computer desk for the past 4 weeks. In his haste, a nasty cardboard paper cut results.

——

If you liked this post, you may also like:

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Parody and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to On This Day In History – April 15th

  1. allison says:

    I was hoping the kung fu superstar was you

  2. Pleated Jeans says:

    I didn’t have a picture handy

  3. Pingback: On This Day In History - May 7th « pleated jeans

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s