Monthly Archives: January 2009

Today is Tugboat Day!

Today is Tugboat Day, and you know what that means. Tugboats! And lots of them. Don’t bother telling me the itinerary – I know the drill. My captain’s hat and ascot are laid out and ready to be worn. My … Continue reading

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My Trophy Room is Fucking Huge

That’s right, I have so many trophies, I had to build an entire fucking room just to fucking show them all off. And this isn’t your run-of the mill, normal-sized piece-of-shit room either. This mother fucking room is so God … Continue reading

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Survival Diary

Day 1: It’s official: I’m lost. But Theresa’s probably called the authorities by now so as long as I don’t panic, I should be fine. Plus, I’ve got plenty of training should it come down to that. Then again, what … Continue reading

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Suicidal Thoughts

If I were forced to commit suicide, I wouldn’t do something extravagant like jump off a bridge or throw myself off a cliff. Instead, I’d probably just stay at home and use my gas oven. Because it’s not very tall … Continue reading

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How to be a Beekeeper

Ask anyone and they’ll tell you beekeeping is one of the coolest, sexiest hobbies around.  When beekeeping is done right, you’ll end up with a hobby that is both fun and profitable. And when it is done really right, you’ll … Continue reading

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If I Were Something Else

If I were an ant, the first thing I would do is find a way to overtake the lead ant at the top of the hill. That way, when I took his place, I could turn to my friends whenever … Continue reading

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Posted Ads

For sale: Jacuzzi Specially formulated for the female anatomy. Includes hose, chlorine pack and 42-year-old systems administrator. Cheap! Please email price and pic to Guiseppe. Lost: Colostomy Bag Last seen in the ball pit of McDonalds playground. Various Items For … Continue reading

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